are you ready for solo travel? 6 questions to ask

People’s opinions about travelling solo usually fall into one of two camps. It’s either one of the boldest, most exciting ideas they’ve ever heard:

It’s so empowering!

It takes guts!

Why wait on someone else, when you can just go?

Or, it’s something that they’d never consider doing:

It’s dangerous!

I’d be bored!

What if the kidnappers come, and Liam Neeson doesn’t come save me?

I’ve been travelling solo for years now. Not necessarily because I love it or even prefer it, but mainly because my desire to travel exceeds my ability to wait for someone else to be able and ready to join me. I also know that my travel style isn’t exactly everyone’s cup of tea – so to avoid conflict, I often opt for the solo adventure.

Does that make me a solo travel expert? Hardly. But I often see many women asking of other solo women travelers how we got the nerve/confidence/lady cojones to travel all by ourselves, so I thought I’d wrangle up some questions worth asking yourself if you think you might be ready for solo travel.

find out if you're ready for solo travel

#1 - HOW EASILY DO YOU MAKE NEW FRIENDS?

Can you find something you have in common with almost anyone? Are you the one at a party who flits among various groups and dips in and out of multiple conversations with ease? Those extrovert social skills will definitely come in handy when you’re travelling on your own.

If you’re more of the introverted, wallflower type, you might still consider travelling alone… in a group. Group tours, cooking classes and local meetup groups can make it easier for shyer types to not feel so lonely when travelling alone. Cruises are also a great option for some solo travelers who like being on their own, but still want to be surrounded by somewhat familiar people.

#2 - HOW DO YOU REACT TO UNFAMILIAR OR AMBIGUOUS SITUATIONS?

Are you ok with having to find your way in a new place? Getting lost? Not knowing what other people around you are saying? Having to use rudimentary sign language to get your point across? International solo travel is right up your alley! If you’re ok with everything not being exactly the way it is back home (this could include anything from acceptable clothing to toilet facilities), then you’ll be just fine on your own in foreign locales.

If the very thought of the situations described above is enough to make you break out in hives, then maybe you should start out by travelling solo somewhere closer to home – somewhere with more familiar food, language, sights and sounds. Stay in a hotel chain that you’ve stayed in before; book a room at a bed-and-breakfast in a neighboring state; visit a well-documented, much-visited historical site and enjoy your trip without feeling like a fish out of water. If you're still determined to go abroad, try a country where language or unfamiliar customs won't be a barrier.

#3 - HOW STRONG / ACCURATE IS YOUR ‘LITTLE VOICE’?

I’ve said it many times – my best travel tool is my intuition, aka, ‘the little voice’. The little voice tends to grow stronger and more accurate with experience, so if you’ve already travelled extensively with others or have lived in a major city where you may regularly encounter potentially shady characters or situations, your little voice is likely well-tuned.

On the other hand, if people who know you well refer to you as ‘too trusting’, or ‘naïve’ (and you know they’re telling the truth), or conversely, if you think EVERYone is a potential murderer/terrorist/rapist, then maybe you should enhance your intuition a bit before striking out on your own.

#4 - HOW CURIOUS ARE YOU?

My biggest motivation for non-work-related travel is curiosity. What’s happening elsewhere? What do people eat there? How do they spend their free time? Are the mens cute? If you’re the curious and exploring type who can only be satisfied by seeing and experiencing something for yourself, that curiosity will not only be a catalyst for you to book your solo trip, it will also make what happens on your trip more memorable and satisfying.

#5 - HOW MUCH DO YOU ENJOY YOUR OWN COMPANY?

Let’s face it, there’s likely to be times when even the most gregarious girl won’t be able to make a single-serving friend while travelling. If you’re like me and grew up as an only child, or have otherwise mastered the art of entertaining yourself for days on end, you’ll probably already be back home from your solo trip before you start to feel lonely.

If being away from friends and on your own for long periods of time seems like it would be unbearably lonely or boring, consider keeping yourself occupied by journaling, reading, or catching up on movies or tv shows (hey, you paid for that nice hotel room, might as well use it). Use social media to keep your family and friends abreast of your ecap your daily solo travel experiences with loved ones back home with the free wi-fi calling features on Skype, Facebook, Whatsapp, etc.

#6 - HOW MUCH OF A GIRL / BOY SCOUT ARE YOU?

Preparedness is key when travelling solo. If you know how to use a map, can hunt down a super-strong and totally-free Wi-Fi signal like a trained animal, or always have the latest travel apps and tools downloaded to your cell phone, you’re ready to earn your solo travel badge, scout. Likewise, if you know how to keep your cool in case of a travel emergency.

As you can see, solo travel isn’t made for just one type of person. Even if you’re not the fiercely independent, throw-caution-to-the-wind sort that many assume you need to be in order to pursue solo travel, you can still enjoy travelling on your own. You just need to find the type of solo travel that best suits you, then get out there to see the world!

Are you an experienced solo traveler? What other skills or traits do you think someone should have before going on a solo trip?

The last generation

I planted milkweed in my backyard last year because it attracts monarch butterflies.

This spring and summer I was treated to daily visitations from the lovely creatures, flitting from leaf to flower and floating off to other parts of the yard. 

A few weeks ago, I visited a friend who also grows milkweed. They’d harvested some of the late-season leaves and had begun to incubate butterfly pupa from the larvae that were on the leaves.

A week later, I discovered my own milkweed covered in caterpillars! 

My research on the soon-to-be butterflies brought an interesting revelation.

---

The last generation

In a single year, 3 generations of monarchs will experience life in my backyard. But the 3rd generation, the last generation, will leave shortly after it sprouts wings in early fall. The climate by then - which was suitable for the previous generations - will have grown too cold, and it will use its innate knowledge to hasten on from its birthplace to a place where it can live out its life in a more hospitable climate. 

Mexico, maybe. 

As the climate in the US continues to become more surreal, less… hospitable, I can’t help but wonder if this generation - my generation - will be the last generation to remain here for good. Or, will we even begin to seek out places to live outside of the States where we can spread our wings a bit more freeely.

Mexico, maybe.

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a conversation before takeoff

Flying a Kuwaiti airline from Spain to Greece. I find it somewhat comforting that the airline plays an Arabic prayer over the PA system before takeoff. I always say a small prayer before any major travel... for protection, for smooth arrival, for the flight crew, for new insights... and Arabic prayers are like musical meditations to me. My seatmate, a young Gaditano, reveals to me later that he (and i think everyone else on board) was freaked out when it started playing. 

”Is this some kinda joke? Are we about to end up in Egypt or the Middle East?” he says. 

We laugh about it. I assure him that the prayer is common for airlines based in Muslim countries. “Ahhhh!” he says. Its his first time traveling out of the country. I smile broadly and congratulate him.

“It’s good to travel. You have to travel a lot, especially while you’re young. Its like an education.”

He looks genuinely confused by that statement. '“Como?” he inquires.

“Well...” I say, (while thinking to myself, ‘Bruh. Didn’t you just learn something? And we ain’t even off the ground yet!’) “How do i know what I’ve been told about the world is true unless i go out and see for myself? Go to new places and learn about the people there, their language, their food, their music. Their... prayers?”

A light is slowly dawning in him. He tells me that he’s studying psychology. That he also plays flamenco guitar. He shows me a video of him playing. He’s good. And he has a smoldering intensity for someone so young. “But flamenco isn’t valued much in Spain,” he tells me. 
”Ah, cuz there’s lots of people who can play?”
Yep. 
”Well, that’s even more reason to travel. People love flamenco outside of Spain, but they usually can’t hear or see it live where they are. In my country, se flippan!”

He stops and repeats what I said, then cracks up laughing at my use of the colloquialism. We continue talking, I tell him he should try to find other musicians on social media who play similar music or who would like to learn more about flamenco. Invite them to come crash at your place if you have extra room, offer to teach the something about flamenco and ask if they’d be willing to do the same for you when you visit their countries. Ask if they would mind introducing you to their network of other musicians and music learners. Post videos of you playing on your Instagram, Facebook, etc. Use what you know to take you where you want to go. 

He ponders this for a few moments.

“That idea would never have occurred to me,” he muses aloud. “It’s like you said, you learn things when you travel and talk to other people who have experienced a lot.”

I nod. This sobrino is starting to get it. I pray that he does. 

traveling solo: what to do when everything goes wrong

Oh, f**k. I am literally stuck in Portugal.

My heart rate quickened a few paces. I hadn’t really allowed myself to think that the worst possible scenario would happen, so now that it was in fact happening, I found myself momentarily bewildered. I’d made the foolish mistake of traveling to Portugal  without my passport, but since I’d gotten lucky on the flight out of Spain, I thought my luck might hold out for the return trip. It didn’t. After trying other alternatives (presenting a copy of my passport, then my Spanish resident ID) that were refused by the airline agent, it became clear that I was not getting on this flight.

My brain began slowly filling with a thousand thoughts:

Shit.

Um. Ok. What the hell are you going to do now?

This can’t be happening.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod

What if I can’t get out of here? What if I’m stuck in this airport for months or years like that one movie with Tom Hanks?

How could I be so stupid!?

Shit!

This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. Why do bad things always happen to me?

Jesus Christ, I’m sooo stupid!!

I just wanna go home.

*Eyes starting to well up with tears*

If you travel often enough, eventually it will happen. The worst possible scenario. You find yourself stuck in the middle of nowhere. You missed your flight. The hotel booking fell through. You’re lost in an unfamiliar place where you don’t speak the language. Or worse yet, you’ve been pickpocketed or injured.

While I haven’t had any serious travel emergencies yet (knock on wood), I’ve definitely found myself in a pickle more than once while travelling – most recently on a solo trip back to Spain from Portugal. What I’ve learned from these travel blunders is that the best and quickest way out of them is to… keep calm and carry on.

Don’t Panic (Ok, panic. But make it brief.)

After realizing that my pleading with the airline agent was useless, I found a bench to sit on, and let the reality of the situation settle in a bit. I tried to tame my wildly racing thoughts as best I could (repeating over and over to myself, ‘It’s going to be ok. It’s going to be ok.’). Suddenly, a calming piece of advice that a friend of mine once said to me popped up in my mind: ‘Every problem has at least 5 solutions’.

Slowly, I felt the panic begin to subside and a steely resolve take its place. After a few more moments, I went to the bathroom, washed my face, fixed my hair, and touched up my makeup. Then, I set to work.

Gather Your Tools

I knew I would need to rely heavily on my cell phone, so I checked the battery. It was about half full. I started scouting out the airport terminal for power outlets. Then, checked to see if there was free Wi-fi at the airport. No luck. Fortunately, my cell phone data plan worked, and the signal was strong.

Once you’ve calmed yourself down, take inventory of what you’ve got to help you get out of this situation – cell phone, map, GPS, snacks, the phone number of ‘a guy who knows a guy’. Use whatever you’ve got within reach to help you get yourself out of this predicament or weather the storm until you do.

Using travel tools proactively can also be a big help in case of a travel mishap. For example, take pics of your hotel, the hotel stationery, or the street you’re staying on in case you get lost and can’t communicate where you need to go. Save emergency contact info into a notes app on your phone. Save text versions of walking directions to/from your hotel on your phone to use in case you can’t access GPS. Download maps that are accessible offline. Download travel apps you can use to book last-minute flights and hotels and find bus and train schedules.

Brainstorm & Prioritize Your Options

What’s the thing that needs to happen first? What’s most important right now? What’s the fastest, most efficient way to get that thing done?

My 3 main options were: Getting on another flight, finding a place to stay, or finding another mode of transportation to get back to Spain.

After a quick search online for other flights, I ruled out that option. Even if I could get past security for another airline (sans passport), the cost of the flight would be ridiculous. Since I was already out of the money from the lost flight, I didn’t want to pay more than I needed to.

My next best bet was finding an alternative way out. Lastly, I’d look for a place to crash, if finding a way out took longer than I hoped.

Be Resourceful – Know Where to Go for Info or Help

Thankfully, I had apps for Renfe – Spain’s railway system, BlaBlaCar, and Skyscanner on my phone, and I’d bookmarked the site for Portugal’s railway system. I used Google to search for buses going between Portugal and Spain. In under an hour, I’d found info on the next trains, buses, and rideshares going to Madrid. But online bus information can often be out of date, so I ended up consulting with both an airport security guard and the airport tourist info office to make sure the info I’d found online was correct (turns out, it wasn’t). Since there was nothing leaving until the next day, I used my handy AirBnB and Booking.com apps to look for a cheap place to stay in the meantime.

Having the right info at hand during a travel emergency makes all the difference, and knowing where to go to find it is essential. In my case, I relied heavily on online travel tools. But the people around you can also be excellent sources of help and information. Information desks or tourist offices are available in most large cities. Bus drivers and taxi drivers are great for helping you find your way – they know the area well. Hotel concierges and desk staff, security guards and police officers, store workers in commercial areas – not only are all of these people good sources of ‘official’ info, they’re also more likely to speak English than a random person on the street.

Think Positively

Even if you do everything you should do in a travel emergency, there’s no guarantee that you’ll get out of the situation quickly. No matter what happens, though, keeping a positive mindset and being able to laugh at yourself will help you make the best of a bad situation.

In the end, it took a few hours of searching for and confirming transport and lodging, an overnight stay at a cheap but centrally located AirBnB room (15 euros), and a 5-hour BlaBlaCar ride (30 euros) the next day from Oporto to Madrid. During that time, I encountered some rude and unhelpful people, took a walk through what – at first glance – looked like a sketchy area, and suffered a late-night bout of gastrointestinal distress. I tried to view the whole ordeal as a comical adventure, which kept me from getting too riled up or freaked out, even though there were several times when I wanted to do both. In the end, I made it out of a sticky situation without too much incident, feeling like I earned a merit badge in the process. And a ridiculously hilarious travel story to boot.

expat problems: 6 stages of repatriation

Coming home after a period of time living abroad isn’t always easy. Things aren’t the same as you remember. You aren’t even the same. Finding your place again when everyone and everything has moved on can make readjusting to your new old life seem a little bit like learning to walk again. Plus there’s the emotional toll of leaving behind new friends and abandoning what had become your new normal.

To make matters worse, unlike many other major life transitions, repatriation doesn’t always come with its fair share of support and understanding. The opportunity to live in a foreign country is often seen as just that – an opportunity. Something that you’re lucky or blessed to be able to do. On one hand, that’s true, but like any other self-initiated, out-of-the-norm endeavor (e.g., going back to school, changing careers, becoming a parent) it’s also a matter of sacrifice, risk and day-to-day struggle.

Yet, to friends and family back home (and thanks in part to that steady stream of stunning photos in exotic locales on your Facebook and Instagram feeds) you’ve been living on vacay for the past few months or years. And since ‘coming back from vacation’ isn’t exactly a struggle, you may be left to navigate re-entry back to ‘the real world’ on your own.

I’ve been through the repatriation process twice now – actually, you could say that I’m still going through it – and while I don’t claim to have the science of it all figured out, I felt compelled to share my own process of dealing with and ultimately triumphing over the repatriation blues.

6 Stages of Repatriation

Reverse Culture Shock

From the moment you step off the plane, everything about your home country seems familiar, but in an eerily unfamiliar way. It’s like you’re in The Truman Show or The Matrix. You recognize it all, yet it all seems just… a little… off. Things that you once took for granted as completely normal are now shocking, weird, amusing or maybe even offensive to you.

In my first two weeks back in the US, I had the following moments of reverse culture shock:

At the airport, waiting on my bags:  

Why is everyone so fat and poorly dressed?

When greeting old and new friends:

Must remember to shake hands, NOT double-cheek kiss. I almost made out with that guy just now.

Shopping for groceries:

Gawd, it’s expensive here. I mean, $8 for a bottle of wine… and it’s not even good!?

Catching up on TV shows:

Seriously? Is EVERY commercial on TV for a prescription drug?

Getting behind the wheel for the first few times:

Wow. Atlanta drivers exhibit a LOT of aggression.

At any given moment on any given day:

This feels suspiciously comfortable. What is all this knowing where I’m going and understanding what everyone around me is talking about?

Even though seeing an old place through new eyes may initially be disorienting, eventually your vision adjusts and things begin to appear a bit more normal.  It may take a while, but it will happen.

Mourning / Loss

Once the excitement of being home and the disorientation of reverse culture shock start to fade, a new feeling may settle in. It may come on as just a bit of a funk or it may swell into full-blown depression. For me, this stage was much like the aftermath of an amicable breakup.

At the start, it was all too raw and tender. I’d be prone to spontaneous outbursts of tears, complete with shaking my fists at the heavens wailing, “WHYYYYYYYYY!!!?? Why can’t we be together anymore? Why did I have to leave you so soon? We were just getting to know each other! Will I ever see you again?”

Even after the initial pain had dulled and I found myself only thinking of my long lost other home maybe once a day – I couldn’t bear to look at pictures of the place. The images brought back too many emotions, too much of that feeling of loss. I couldn’t stand to hear anyone else speak about my host country or talk about what they knew of my once-beloved. When others told of their trysts with my ex – whether good or bad – I’d invariably think to myself, “But you don’t know it like I do. You can’t possibly. It was mine! All mine!”

Melodramatic? Yes. But true nonetheless. The feeling of grief that I experienced on returning the US, I found out, was common for many returning expats. Expats interviewed by the Wall Street Journaldescribed their own feelings of loss as: “a punch in the gut,” and, “like having somebody dying.” Though I didn’t know that my feelings were common, I did know that they’d have to pass eventually. I remembered an old rule-of-thumb I’d heard ages ago about how long it took to get over an old flame. According to this completely water-tight scientific rule, it takes one week per each month of the relationship to get over post-breakup heartbreak. I tried to use this as a point of solace as the days on the calendar crawled by.

Comparison / Nostalgia

“It’s 11 o’clock here. If it were 11 o’clock there I’d be….”

“What I wouldn’t give for a churro or a cortado or some boquerones right now.”

“The eggs here are nothing like the ones I could get at the stores in Spain.”

 “You know what I never had to worry about there? Mass shootings.”

This stage could be part of the mourning and loss stage or it could be a separate stage all its own. This is when you begin comparing even the smallest details of your daily life with your life in that other place. And invariably, your old life is always much, much better than your new life back home. Or, at least, that’s how you’re remembering it now.

Suddenly, all of the little things that used to absolutely irritate me about living in Spain were forgotten. I could only remember her virtues. While America, my home country, suddenly appeared to be riddled with flaws. In my mind, I was only verbally registering all these little humdrum things that I’d taken for granted while living in Spain, things that now had value since I no longer had them. But I’m sure I sounded like I was constantly kvetching. Either way, friends and family are likely to find you insufferable during this stage. Some may even let you know it.

Isolation / Withdrawal

You think nobody wants to listen, so you cut them off. You don’t go anywhere. You don’t speak to anyone. You’re starting to feel like you can’t talk about anything that happened to you in that other place. You think you’re only sharing tidbits about what’s been your daily life for the past months or years, but you know all other people hear is you bragging – yet again – about how awesome your time abroad was. Your friends all talk about what’s been going on in their worlds for the time you’ve been away. Parties they went to. Dates they’ve been on. Jokes they’ve shared. You don’t think they’re bragging. But you do feel like you keep walking in on the middle of a conversation where you have no idea what anyone’s talking about, yet you’re still expected to follow along. So instead of going out, you’d rather stay at home and Skype or Whatsapp with friends from that other place, or watch movies in your host country’s language. Or, if you’re lucky enough to know another former expat, you’ll only hang with them.

In small doses, a bit of isolation can be good. It gives you time to examine your own thoughts and feelings, take a break from the sensory overload and recharge your batteries. But too much isolation and withdrawal can be detrimental, so it’s important to keep up with regular social activities, even if it’s only with one or two close friends.

Memorializing

You don’t want to forget or discard all those memories you made, the lessons you learned, all the beautiful people and places you saw during your expat life, but you know that you can’t keep living in the past. Sharing stories with friends isn’t going over like you expect it, so you begin to think of different ways to capture and honor your experiences. Creative projects like writing, scrapbooks, and films are good ways to preserve your travel experiences. Speaking engagements at local schools or clubs offer opportunities to share your travel stories to more receptive audiences. Even speaking with a therapist can be a much-needed outlet for your memories and emotions. The most important thing is that you find a suitable medium that lets you express the highs and lows of your expat experience in a way that can be appreciated over and over again, not forgotten.

Integrating

In the final stage, you recognize that you don’t have to completely abandon everything about your old life in order to adjust to your new life. You begin to adapt the things you gained from your expat experiences or things that you miss about your life in your former host country to new contexts and your new locale. For me, cooking has always been a passion. After my return from Spain, I began cooking more and new dishes in my kitchen – not just Spanish tortillas and paellas, but dishes I’d eaten at restaurants and in homes that were German, Ghanaian, Moroccan. After getting used to a daily bike commute in Spain, I began biking more upon my return to Atlanta. I noticed that I was now able to understand every single word of the Spanish conversations that I overheard when I was shopping at the farmer’s market or paying a visit to my favorite Mexican taquería. I was even unafraid to reply back in Spanish (something that used to make me nervous). I felt like I had gained a superpower! One that would allow me to engage with the world and its inhabitants in ways that I couldn’t have done before. All of a sudden, I started to feel less sad that I didn’t have Spain in my life anymore, I was simply grateful to have had it. For weeks, the lack of it was all I could think about, all I could focus on. Now it felt like a playful streak of color in my hair. Something that added just a little pop of interest to my backstory.

And in the end, that’s what each expat experience is. It’s an extra patch on your personal quilt, a new sworl in your uniquely patterned self. You have been irreversibly changed by it. And you will carry it with you always.