how to say 'cheers' in 50 languages

A long time ago I read somewhere that the toast originated during the Middle Ages. During large banquets hosted by feudal lords and kings, each guest would toast by pouring a little bit of their drink into their neighbor's glass, and by the time the toasting was done, everyone would have what everyone else was having. In a time where hostile takeovers often involved secret poisons, this sort of toast was done to make sure that if there were any poisoners present at the feast, he or she would also get a taste of their own medicine.

Hopefully, Dear Reader, you won't find the need for such paranoid celebratory rituals, but should you happen to find yourself in mixed company, this handy guide from Matador Nights will help you make a proper toast that everyone will understand.

How to Say Cheers in 50 Languages

A-E

Language	Spelling	Phonetic Pronunciation
Afrikaans	Gesondheid	Ge-sund-hate
Albanian	Gëzuar	Geh-zoo-ah
Arabic (Egypt)	فى صحتك: (literally good luck)	Fe sahetek
Armenian (Western)	Կէնաձդ	Genatzt
Azerbaijani	Nuş olsun	Nush ohlsun
Bosnian	Živjeli	Zhee-vi-lee
Bulgarian	Наздраве	Naz-dra-vey
Burmese	Aung myin par say	Au-ng my-in par say
Catalan	Salut	Sah-lut
Chamorro (Guam)	Biba	Bih-bah
Chinese (Mandarin)	干杯 gān bēi	Gan bay
Croatian	Živjeli / Nazdravlje	Zhee-ve-lee / Naz-dra-vlee
Czech	Na zdravi	Naz-drah vi
Danish	Skål	Skoal
Dutch	Proost	Prohst
Estonian	Terviseks	Ter-vih-sex

F-M

Language	Spelling	Phonetic Pronunciation
Filipino/Tagalog	Mabuhay	Mah-boo-hay
Finnish	Kippis	Kip-piss
French	Santé / A la votre	Sahn-tay / Ah la vo-tre
Galician	Salud	Saw-lood
German	Prost / Zum wohl	Prohst / Tsum vohl
Greek	ΥΓΕΙΑ	Yamas
Hawaiian	Å’kålè ma’luna	Okole maluna
Hebrew	לחיים	L’chaim
Hungarian	Egészségedre (to your health) / Fenékig (until the bottom of the glass)	Egg-esh ay-ged-reh / Fehn-eh-keg
Icelandic	Skál	Sk-owl
Irish Gaelic	Sláinte	Slawn-cha
Italian	Salute / Cin cin	Saw-lutay / Chin chin
Japanese	乾杯 Kanpai (Dry the glass)	Kan-pie
Korean	건배	Gun bae
Latvian	Priekā / Prosit	Pree-eh-ka / Proh-sit
Lithuanian	į sveikatą	Ee sweh-kata
Macedonian	На здравје	Na zdravye
Mongolian	Эрүүл мэндийн төлөө / Tulgatsgaaya	ErUHl mehdiin toloo / Tul-gats-gAH-ya

N-Z

Language	Spelling	Phonetic Pronunciation
Norwegian	Skål	Skawl
Polish	Na zdrowie	Naz-droh-vee-ay
Portuguese	Saúde	Saw-OO-de
Romanian	Noroc / Sanatate	No-rock / Sahn-atate
Russian	Будем здоровы/ На здоровье	Budem zdorovi/ Na zdorovie
Serbian	živeli	Zhee-ve-lee
Slovak	Na zdravie	Naz-drah-vee-ay
Slovenian	Na zdravje (literally on health)	Naz-drah-vee
Spanish	Salud	Sah-lud
Swedish	Skål	Skawl
Thai	Chok dee	Chok dee
Turkish	Şerefe	Sher-i-feh
Ukranian	будьмо	Boodmo
Vietnamese	Dô / Vô / Một hai ba, yo (one, two, three, yo)	Jou / / Dzo Moat hi bah, yo
Welsh	Iechyd da	Yeh-chid dah
Yiddish	Sei gesund	Say geh-sund

cheers,

k photo: Cheers! by melalouise, on Flickr

what is a bon vivant?

I don't know where I first heard the term bon vivant, but I do remember thinking to myself, "Now that sounds like something I could get used to being called."

Or something to that effect.

I do, however, clearly recall a pass-the-time bar game I played a few years back which involved me and a friend sharing our intergalactic spy credentials (don't ask). During the round where we revealed our alter-ego occupations, I boldly proclaimed that mine was: 'bon vivant'. To which my friend replied (actually, scoffed) "That's not an occupation."

I was and still am indignant about the matter. Being a bon vivant is an occupation. In truth, a bon vivant is only ever occupied by one thing. Everything else is a diversion, or an experiment that helps the bon vivant excel in her chosen profession, which is a simple one: that of living life to the fullest. The bon vivant's trade is one that should not be taken lightly, but often is. A rare few truly commit to and excel at the task, yet the masses generally treat the pursuit of a well-lived life as much more trivial than the pursuit of money or fame, vice or romance, power or success.

And so the bon vivant that we see in literature and film is often portrayed as the wayward dilettante, or the lascivious boozer, or even the hopelessly conniving dandy. Many of those who assume the moniker in real life also assume that it affords them the right to lift their noses a bit higher in the air. In my opinion, both are miscontrued notions of the term and the persona.

In searching the interwebs for a more accurate description of the bon vivant, I came across one delightfully simple but perfectly illustrative definition.

"If you love good food, good company, good times and something really, really good to drink, then you’re probably a bon vivant. In fact, if you love two out of the four, then you are most likely a bon vivant."

The above quote is from "Are You a Bon Vivant?"  on the blog, Miss Lola Says.... Miss Lola goes on to explain what bon vivants bring to the... er, table:

"We all know at least one bon vivant. And this is how they make our worlds better:

• They bring the lightness of life with joy, laughter and gaiety.
• They introduce us to experiences and foods that we would not otherwise have an interest in.
• They help us keep the goodness of life in perspective. And we all need goodness, right?"

Miss Lola Says... features well-written articles on etiquette and common sense manners that are suitable for intergalactic spies and bon vivants alike. As bon vivants are known for their refinement, the blog should serve as a handy resource should you need to remind yourself or a less-refined associate of the appropriate behavior in any situation.

I invite you to peruse some of my favorite posts from Miss Lola:

An Excerpt from “The Correct Thing to Do, to Say, to Wear” [1941]

Putting on Airs

HINTS TO KITCHEN MAIDS by Rufus Estes

Tips for Riding the Elevator with Me.

In the meantime, I'm working on a series of posts that will delve deeper into what it means to pursue the profession of a bon vivant - including some life examples of famous bon vivants, both real and fictional. Stay tuned.

cheers,

k

photo:A Chair-i-table Event 2011 by rwentechaney, on Flickr

how to give thanks for a meal

Even though I haven't been to Mass in years, I still recite the Catholic blessing I learned in elementary school before every meal.

"Bless us, O Lord and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord. Amen."

It occurs to me that we humans are probably more disconnected from our food than we've ever been in our short history on Earth. We are more likely to consume our daily bread on the run, in a hurry, at a desk, or in a car than we are to slowly digest a slowly-prepared meal surrounded by family and friends. Often times we have no idea where the food we are eating came from, nor the name nor face of the person who prepared it. We may only give thought to the ingredients in the dish placed before us if there is either risk (e.g., allergy or religious taboo) or cachet associated with its presence.

No wonder then, that our giving of thanks before a meal is often overlooked or reserved for only the most special of occasions like, say... Thanksgiving.

I've attended my fair share of Thanksgiving dinners - with both my own family and with the extended family that I call my friends. Though the dishes on the table have varied according to the customs, traditions, and culinary skills of those present, there's been one common trait among each of those Thanksgiving meals. The prayer before the meal.

At the assigned moment, heads bow, hands reach out to the persons beside you, a moment of silence ensues before someone - usually one of the eldest, but sometimes simply the bossiest - will appoint the prayer-giver for the meal. The newly knighted - depending on their experience with such matters - will either stumble for a few moments or leap to the charge. Soon, the prayer begins.

The rest of us listen, reverently. But we only half-hear the words. We are thinking of the sumptuousness of the food spread out in front of us, we are conscious of the feel of our neighbors' hands in ours, we may briefly remember the faces of those who aren't present but we wish were there, we may feel a subtle welling of emotion at the gravity of the moment. And then, it is done. We release our neighbors' hands, and start our strategic jockeying for position in the buffet line.

At its most basic, the act of eating a meal is a purely physical experience. But a brief moment of reverence before consuming the first bite, can transform the act of eating into a kind of sensory meditation.

"Food is divine, a gift from God. With deep respect you eat, and while eating you forget everything else, because eating is prayer. It is existential prayer." ~ Osho

At Thanksgiving, the before-meal prayer is a symbolic act that says, 'this moment is special'. It reaffirms our connectedness to others, and makes us pause to think about what we are about to put into our bodies. And though most pre-Thanksgiving prayers are offered to a divine source (a fact that even my most atheist friends will let slide for Thanksgiving), mealtime prayers need not be religious, nor do they need to be reserved only for 'special occasions'.

Here is a collection prayers, sayings, and meditations that can be said before meals:

Thank you for the food we eat, Thank you for the world so sweet, Thank you for the birds that sing, Thank you God for everything.

May this food restore our strength, giving new energy to tired limbs, new thoughts to weary minds. May this drink restore our souls, giving new vision to dry spirits, new warmth to cold hearts. And once refreshed, may we give new pleasure to You, who gives us all.

"The Quaker tradition of "silent grace" before meals also works well for a dinner party with people of diverse religions and beliefs. All present join hands in a circle around the table, and are silent for half a minute or so as they collect their thoughts, meditate or pray. Then one person gently squeezes the hands of the people seated adjacent; this signal is quickly passed around the table and people then begin to eat...." from secularseasons.org

God is great, God is good. Let us thank him for our food. By his hands we all are fed, Give us, Lord, our daily bread. Amen.

For the meal we are about to eat, for those that made it possible, and for those with whom we are about to share it, we are thankful.

We celebrate this occasion with food from the earth. May it fill us with fellowship and add to our mirth.

What before-meal words of thanks do you give? Do you save mealtime prayers for special occasions or are they an everyday ritual?

cheers,

k

photo: A serious moment by angelina_koh, on Flickr

how to do 5-day pre-holiday detox

If this holiday season is anything like last year's, it will be indulgent. Very, very indulgent. Already, my weekend calendar for the next month is jam-packed with events where hearty food and heavy drink will be the central focus. And that doesn't even include Thanksgiving.

The chances of me abstaining from this once-a-year feeding frenzy are about as slim as the chances that some portly, older gentleman will slide down my chimney and deliver gifts in late December. Translation: It ain't happening. But if I'm going to make it to the end of the year looking less like Santa Claus and more like Jesus, I've got to do something to counteract the bingeing.

I decided to reach out to my good friend Maria Bee for her advice. Maria and I know each other from our road warrior consulting days when frequent travel, frequent stress and frequent dining out was a part of our daily lives. Since then, Maria has "taken back her life" by teaching everyday slackers like me how to eat and exercise better. And believe me, this lady knows her stuff. As a former fitness competitor (Ms. Figure America Winner, 2009), a personal trainer, and a naturopathic practitioner, Maria is an expert on maintaining overall body health through proper nutrition and exercise. She dishes out tough-love-style diet and exercise advice on her Facebook page and through her blog.

Last week, I mentioned to Maria that I wanted to do a 5-day cleanse each month of the holiday season, and was looking for alternatives to the all-too-strict Master Cleanse that I've done a few times before. As luck would have it, Maria was just starting a 5-day pre-holiday cleanse herself and was kind enough to share her daily regimen with me, so I thought I'd pass it along to you, Dear Reader.

Maria Bee's Pre-Holiday 5-Day Cleanse

Upon Waking: First thing in the morning, drink  1 cup of water

For Breakfast – Fruit smoothie with vegetable-based protein

Ingredients: 5 strawberries, 10 blueberries, 1/2 banana, 1 slice pineapple, 2 tablespoons flax seed oil, 1 teaspoon spurilina, 1 teaspoon macca powder, 25-40 grams Protein powder, Ice (optional), 1 tablespoon local honey (optional) To Make: Pour all ingredients into a blender, blend well and serve.

For Lunch - Large Salad

Ingredients: Kale, purple onions, cucumber, mushroom, spinach, raisins (optional), broccoli, 1 slice of avocado, Any type of vinaigrette dressing

Drink 16 ounces of water with lunch

For Mid-day Snack (after lunch and before dinner)

Mix 16 ounces of water with a pinch of cayenne pepper and 3 teaspoons of lemon.

Drink water mixture along with a handful of almonds

For Dinner, Option #1 - Vegetable Juice (requires a juicer) If you don't have a juicer, use the veggie wrap recipe below.

Drink 16 ounces of water at dinner

Ingredients: 1 broccoli bunch (with stem), 1 handful of spinach, 2 celery sticks, 1/2 Chayote squash, 1 Chard, 2 stems of mustard greens, 2 pinches of cayenne pepper, 1 stalk of ginger, 2 lemons

For Dinner, Option #2 - Veggie Wrap (no juicer required) Drink 16 ounces of water at dinner

Ingredients: 1 Collard Green leaf, 1 tablespoon hummus, 1 chopped yellow onion, 5 mushrooms cut, 1 green pepper sliced, 1 red pepper sliced, 1/3 cucumber sliced, 3 green olives, 1 broccoli flower cut, 2 slices avocado, 2 teaspoons olive oil, 2 tablespoons vinaigrette dressing, *any additional vegetables can be added

To Make: Take the collard green wrap and rinse thoroughly, lat flat and spread hummus. Add green peppers, red peppers, broccoli, cucumber, olives, mushroom, and onion. Pour olive oil over vegetables, add avocado and vinaigrette dressing. Roll collard green into a wrap, use additional hummus or vinaigrette as a dipping sauce.

As you can see, the focus of the cleanse is raw foods, and it's a great way to boost nutrition and energy before the holidays or any time that your eating habits have gotten out of wack. The supplements and special ingredients listed in Maria's recipes can be found at most health food stores.

For additional foods that will help you with your pre-holiday clearance, check out Maria's post: Top 10 Cleansing Foods.

to your health,

k

photo:Diet Police fridge magnet by lydiashiningbrightly, on Flickr

amuse bouche: stay flexible

Learning how to deal with tough times and uncertainty can be difficult. But adaptability and flexibility certainly help. That's the reason why cats always land on their feets - they have flexible spines. People who always land on their feet do so because they have flexible mindsets and attitudes. Instead of getting stuck on one way to do something, one way to learn, one way to be, flexible people arrange the pieces they've been given in each situation to create an optimal result.

cheers,

k

how to make a good woman

"A woman is an important somebody and sometimes you win the triple crown: good food, good sex, and good talk. Most men settle for any one, happy as a clam if they get two. But listen, let me tell you something. A good man is a good thing, but there is nothing in the world better than a good good woman. She can be your mother, your wife, your girlfriend, your sister, or somebody you work next to. Don't matter. You find one, stay there."  ~from Toni Morrison's "Love"

After reading this passage from Toni Morrison's novel, "Love", I knew I'd found a morsel that would become a permanent part of my personal collection of life recipes.

The quote comes from the character, Sandler - a concerned father who is schooling his teenage son on what to look for in a woman. Fortunately, it's an easy-to-remember recipe that includes 3 very simple ingredients.

Good Food

I don't care how old-fashioned or outmoded I sound saying it, I'm going to say it anyway. If you're a woman, you should know how to cook something. I'm not suggesting that you channel Betty Crocker and prance around the kitchen all day in frilly aprons and heels making biscuits and pies from scratch (but, if that's your thing, by all means, go for it!). But every woman should have at least 3 solid dishes that she can whip up at a moment's notice. That means not having to consult a cookbook or a recipe, but being able to prepare a simple, elegant meal from memory - preferably with easy-to-find ingredients. As they say, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach". Even in non-romantic situations, being able to cook something tasty for someone you care about (whether it be your man, your mom, your kids, or your friends) is not only a useful talent, but also a satisfying and rewarding experience.

Good Sex

I suppose this one should go without saying, since we're all sexual creatures. But since everyone has different tastes and preferences, what exactly qualifies as good sex? Whether you're the swing-from-the-rafters type or more of a missionary girl, I think that at the root of it all, a woman with 'good sex' is a woman who is equally skilled at giving and receiving pleasure.

Good Talk

I've heard numerous tales from my guy friends about dates or relationships with drop-dead gorgeous girls that they found extremely attractive... until they opened their mouths. A good woman cultivates interests in things that are worth talking about. A good woman stays abreast of current events (no, not just celebrity gossip), a good woman has a bit of 'game'. A good woman knows how to give a compliment.

Recipe Notes:

Noticeably missing from this recipe for a good woman are inessential ingredients like: big boobs, long hair, thick legs, fat booty, expensive clothes, killer makeup, and similar decorative toppings.

Admittedly, a good woman who comes with one or more of these inessential ingredients will be just as fulfilling and even sweeter than the original recipe. However, a woman that possesses inessential ingredients yet lacks all of the good woman ingredients may be sweet, but won't be nearly as filling. And really... who needs empty calories?

how to find true love

“By the time you are ready to explore the world of love, you are filled with so much rubbish about love that there is not much hope for you to be able to find the authentic and discard the false.”  ~Osho

Relationships are hard. Yes, I know that’s not exactly a groundbreaking statement. But it’s a fact. A fact that I’ve been pondering a lot lately as I witness the many stages of relationships being experienced by close friends and acquaintances.

There are those friends who are engaged or newly married, others who are separated or newly divorced, friends who are experiencing the highs and lows of dating, friends who are content playing the field, friends who are happy being alone. There’s even my own relationship, which many - especially those who know me as a hot-headed, commitment phobic, and often contrary woman - are quietly amazed has lasted as long as it has.

Though my associates and I are all experiencing different stages of relationship, we all share a common trait. None of us have a clue what we’re doing. We’re all just guessing. Rolling a dice and hoping that we don’t lose too much in the process, or crap out completely.

Truth is, most people tend to follow a pretty familiar script when it comes to relationships. Our expectations of gender roles, relationship timelines, and the ways love should be shown have been stamped onto our psyches over years of conditioning from families, movies, romance novels, r&b love songs. Most of us will never question established ideas of love and romance. Even when something deep inside of us starts to suspect that we aren’t 100% comfortable with those age-old ideas. So without any clear alternatives and with few successful real-life examples to follow, we go on trying to fit ourselves and our significant other into relationship models and behaviors that are considered normal and acceptable. On the rare occasion when one does question and decides to diverge from the “normal” path, one finds that there are no road signs, no footprints to follow, just a wide open wilderness that requires the fearless instincts of a trailblazer to navigate.

Thankfully, even trailblazers have certain tools to help them find their way.

I recently came across a book entitled “Being in Love: How to Love with Awareness and Relate Without Fear” written by Osho. Since being introduced to Osho’s writings a few years ago, he’s quickly become one of my favorite philosopher-teachers, and this book is  testament as to why.

I’ll be frank. You may not agree with everything in this book. Some of it may even upset you. But I guarantee you will find some common-sense wisdom and thoughtful insights that will challenge you to think differently about how you love yourself and others and may even cause a complete paradigm shift for you. Fortunately, Being in Love (and every other Osho book I’ve read) is one of those books that you don't have to read from beginning to end to get the benefit of it; you can just pick up and start reading from anywhere.

Here are just a few snippets from Osho’s Being in Love:

What is Love

"It is almost like somebody asking, “What is food?” Would you not be surprised if somebody came and asked you that question? Only if somebody has been starved from the very beginning and has never tasted food would the question be relevant. It is the same with the question “What is love?”

Love is the food of the soul, but you have been starved. Your soul has not received love at all, so you don’t know the taste. So the question is relevant, but it is unfortunate. The body has received food so the body continues; but the soul has not received food so the soul is dead, or is not born yet, or is always on its deathbed."

Parental Love

"Just think of your own parents…. They are victims just as you are victims; their own parents were the same. And so on…you can go back to Adam and Eve and God the father! It seems that even God the father was not very respectful to Adam and Eve… he started commanding them, “Do this” and “Don’t do that.” He started doing the same rubbish that all parents do… each parent threatens to expel the child, to throw him out. “If you don’t listen, if you don’t behave, you will be thrown out.” Deep down the child starts hating the parents because he is not respected; deep down he starts feeling frustrated because he is not loved as he is. He is expected to do certain things, and only then will he be loved.

And children learn the ways of their parents—their nagging, their conflict. Just go on watching yourself. If you are a woman, watch—you may be repeating, almost identically, the ways your mother used to behave…. If you are a man, watch: What are you doing? Are you not behaving just like your father? Watch and see when your mother is there, functioning through you—stop that, move away from it. Do something absolutely new that your mother could not even have imagined."

The Perfect Man or Woman

"That idea too has been put into your mind—that unless you find a perfect man or a perfect woman you will not be happy…. A loving person simply loves, just as an alive person breathes and drinks and eats and sleeps…. You don’t say, “Unless there is perfect air, unpolluted, I am not going to breathe.” You go on breathing even in Los Angeles; you go on breathing in Mumbai. You go on breathing everywhere, even when the air is polluted, poisoned.... People who demand perfection are very unloving people, neurotic. Even if they can find a lover they demand perfection, and the love is destroyed because of that demand."

"Love ordinary people. Nothing is wrong with ordinary people. Ordinary people are extraordinary! Each human being is so unique; have respect for that uniqueness."

Gender Roles in Relationships

“Watch people, see how they take each other for granted. If your wife prepares food for you, you never thank her. I’m not saying that you have to verbalize your thanks, but it should be in your eyes. But you… take it for granted—that is her work. Who told you that? If your husband goes and earns money, you never thank him. You don’t feel any gratitude. “That’s what a man should do.” That’s your mind. How can love grow?”

“At home, the woman is a wife and the man is a husband. Now when these two persons meet there are really four persons: the husband and wife, who are not real persons but just personas, masks, false patterns, expected behavior, duties, and all that, and the real persons hiding behind the masks.

Those real persons feel bored.”

Give and Take in Relationships

"People are more interested in how to grab and get. Everybody is interested in getting and nobody seems to enjoy giving. People give very reluctantly… they always go on watching to make sure they get more than they give—then it is a good bargain, good business. And the other is doing the same.

Give, and don’t wait to see how much you can grab…. In the beginning it will be hard, because your whole life you have been trained not to give but to get. In the beginning you will have to fight with your own armor…. In the beginning it will be difficult, but each step will lead to a further step, and by and by the river starts flowing."

Being Alone versus Being Lonely

"There are two types of love. One is the love that happens when you are feeling lonely: as a need, you go to the other. The other love arises when you are not feeling lonely, but alone. In the first case you go to get something; in the second case you go to give something. A giver is an emperor."

Sex

"Most people’s sexual life is nothing but a kind of relief. Yes, for a moment you feel relieved of a burden, just like a good sneeze. How good it feels afterwards! But for how long? How long can you feel good after a sneeze? How many seconds, how many minutes can you brag that “I had such a sneeze, it was great.” As the sneeze is gone, with it goes all the joy, too. It was simply something bothering you. You are finished with that botheration, now there is a little relaxation. That’s the sexual life of most of the people in the world.

For afterplay to happen it needs a romantic mind, a poetic mind, a mind that knows how to be thankful, how to be grateful. The person, the woman or the man who has brought you to such a climax, needs some gratitude: afterplay is your gratitude. And unless there is afterplay it simply means your sex is incomplete; and incomplete sex is the cause of all the troubles that a human being goes through."

No matter what stage of relationship you're in - whether you're starting one, or ending one, or you happen to be alone - Being in Love will give you fresh perspective on what it  means to make the most out of every relationship and blaze your own trail to true love.

cheers, k photo "Fall in Love ... not in line" by Martinho, on Flickr

inappropriate dinner conversation: the curious case of the Cherokee Freedmen

The year is 1983. 6 men arrive at a voting precinct in Oklahoma. The men are of varying ages and statures, but there is at least one trait that they all share. They are all black. As they approach the door of the precinct, their leader, a Reverend called Nero, issues a quick word of encouragement to his band of braves. The men steady their nerves and their resolves. Not one of them is sure what may happen next.

It only takes a few moments for it to all be over. The men return to their vehicles, not a single vote cast among them. They have been turned away from the polls this day for the simple fact that only citizens of this nation are allowed to vote. And, because they are black, these men are not considered citizens.

Though the details in the story above were imagined, the story itself is very much based on actual events that happened in these United States in the far, far away state of Oklahoma in the long ago time of 1983.

The men in the story are descendants of a little-known group of people referred to as the Black Freedmen. Once owned as slaves by wealthy and usually mixed-race Cherokees, the Black Freedmen were emancipated and granted full citizenship in the Cherokee Nation in an 1866 treaty between the Cherokees and the US government. Since then, the Black Freedmen’s story of equal acceptance into the Cherokee Nation has been a twisted one fraught with legal entanglements, questions of culture and identity, and sturdy allegations of fraud and good ol’ American racism.

I’d really never heard of the Black Freedmen until a Facebook friend of mine shared an article from MSNBC outlining the most recent in a long history of legal battles between the Black Freedmen and the Cherokee Nation. Like many of you might have, I’d heard stories of Blacks and Natives intermarrying and having children together, but I never knew that there was an established and officially recognized group of Blacks that were considered Cherokees – by blood or by naturalization. I’d venture to say it was left out of my required history classes as a young lass.

But after reading the article, it quickly turned from a curious little historical sidenote, into a current-day political conundrum that threatens the concepts of sovereignty and democracy that define our modern government, and brings back into focus basic civil rights issues that, before now, I naively believed had long ago been put to rest in this country.

After a little research, I was able to piece together the following timeline of the Black Freedman’s history from various sources (Gawd, I love the Internets!).

1863 – Cherokee Nation officially abolishes slavery; Some Cherokees who side with the Confederacy continue to hold slaves and fight against the Union in the Civil War

1866 – The Cherokees sign a treaty with post-Civil war US government extending Cherokee citizenship and enfranchisement rights to the freedmen and their descendants. The Cherokee Nation Constitution is amended to reflect the treaty’s language concerning freedmen’s rights.

1880 – The Cherokee Nation conducts a census to assist with the distribution of proceeds from sales of Cherokee land. Cherokee freedmen are excluded from the census and thereby, the distribution of proceeds.

1888 – US government passes An Act to secure to the Cherokee Freedmen and others their proportion of certain proceeds of lands.

1896 – US government commissions the Kern-Clifton roll to identify Cherokee Freedmen that were entitled to Cherokee land sale proceeds. The Kern-Clifton roll identifies 5,600 Cherokee Freedmen.

1902-1906 – The Dawes Commission, enacted by the US government, requires registration of American Indians. The Dawes Rolls classifies individuals as either: Indians by blood, intermarried whites, or Freedmen. Dawes commissioners generally listed all visibly black people as freedmen regardless of Cherokee blood ancestry that would have otherwise qualified some as ‘Indians by blood’. The Dawes roll lists 4,924 Freedmen.

1970s - Under pressure from Indian activists, the Bureau of Indian Affairs (BIA) begins to provide certain benefits, such as free health care, to members of federally recognized tribes. As citizens, Cherokee Freedmen are also eligible for benefits.

1983 - Ross O. Swimmer, then Principal Chief of the Cherokee Nation, issues an executive order requiring Cherokee Nation citizens to have a "Certificate of Degree of Indian Blood" (CDIB) card in order to vote. CDIB cards were issued by the BIA based on those listed on the Dawes Rolls as ‘Indians by blood’. Rev. Robert H. Nero and 5 other Cherokee Freedmen are turned away from polls when they attempt to vote in the 1983 tribal election.

1984 – Rev. Nero and his associates file a class action lawsuit on the basis of racial discrimination against the United States, the Office of the President, the Department of the Interior, the Bureau of Indian Affairs, the tribal election committee, and Principal Chief Ross Swimmer.

1989 – The court rules against Rev. Nero and fellow plaintiffs, citing jurisdictional issues.

2001 - Bernice Riggs, a Freedmen descendant, sues the tribal registrar for citizenship based on blood ancestry. The Judicial Appeals Tribunal (now the Cherokee Nation Supreme Court) rules that Riggs adequately documented her Cherokee blood ancestry, but ultimately denies Riggs citizenship because her ancestors were listed only as Freedmen on the Dawes Rolls, not as ‘Indians by blood’.

2006 - The Cherokee Nation Supreme Court rules in favor of Freedman descendant Lucy Allen. The ruling concludes that acts barring Freedmen descendants from tribal membership are unconstitutional , since the 1975 Cherokee Constitution did not exclude Freedmen from citizenship, nor did it have a blood requirement for membership in the tribe.

And this is where the real fun begins.

After generations of being bounced back and forth between Cherokee and non-Cherokee statuses, the Black Freedmen finally regained their constitutional rights as Cherokee citizens in 2006. But before the Freedman could even get out a rousing refrain of ‘We Shall Overcome’, what happened?

The Cherokees changed the Constitution.

Damn.

In a series of political moves with dubious ethical connotations, high-ranking Cherokee leaders swiftly drafted a petition for a special election that would allow the Cherokee Constitution to be amended to exclude Black Freedmen as citizens. Despite accusations by some tribal leaders that signatures on the petition were forged, the required signatures were obtained, and in 2007, the Cherokee Nation voted to expel the Freedmen from the nation.

Double damn.

Advocates of expelling the Freedmen openly used racist rhetoric to rally voter support. In tribal leader Darren Buzzard’s 2007 email, he urged Cherokees, “Don’t let black freedmen back you into a corner. PROTECT CHEROKEE CULTURE FOR OUR CHILDREN. FOR OUR DAUGHTER[S] . . . FIGHT AGAINST THE INFILTRATION."

Buzzard and others on his side of this issue contend that such inflammatory language is a matter of tribal pride, not racism. But proponents of the Freedmen cause, like professional genealogist and author Angela Walton-Raji, declared, “It is the blackness of the Freedmen descendants that is despised, NOT the love of those with Cherokee blood.”

And boy is that Cherokee blood valuable. Even Buzzard knows that. In his email, he also cautioned his Cherokee tribesmen, saying, “They will suck you dry.” The ‘they’ Buzzard referred to were the Freedmen. But suck them dry of what, exactly?

Maybe Buzzard was referring to the Cherokee Nation’s share in the 20-plus-billion-dollar-a-year American Indian gaming industry. Or maybe he was talking about the estimated $300 million of funds that the Cherokee Nation receives annually from the federal government. That’s right. Every year. $300 million. From your democracy-loving, tax-paying pockets.

Luckily, some folks at the Congressional Black Caucus pulled the Cherokee Nation’s card on trying to have its cake and eat it too. In 2007, Rep. Diane Watson of California and several other Black Caucus members introduced a bill that sought to sever the Cherokee Nation’s federal recognition, strip the Cherokee Nation of their $300 million-a-year federal bankroll, and stop the Cherokee Nation’s gaming operations if the tribe failed to honor the Treaty of 1866.

In other words, Diane counted coup on that ass.

The Cherokees’ reply to the bill was essentially, ‘Why are you picking on us, when everyone else is doing it too?’ The official response from then Chief Chad Smith claimed that the bill was “in retaliation for this fundamental principle that is shared by more than 500 other Indian tribes.” In a compromise between Congressional Black Caucus members and their American Indian counterparts, the bill was later modified to allow the Cherokee Nation to continue receiving federal funding as long as some settlement is reached in lawsuits concerning the Freedmen’s citizenship.

As of the writing of this post, at least one of those lawsuits is still pending, and will be heard in a Washington, D.C. court beginning Tuesday, September 20. Attorneys are asking a judge to restore voting rights for the ousted Cherokee Freedmen in time for the September 24 tribal election for Principal Chief. That lawsuit will mark another – and possibly the final – chapter in the Black Freedman of the Cherokee Nation’s fight for citizenship.

Yet even now, the brazenly exclusionary and racist dialogue regarding ‘outsider Indians’ continues. In a post dated June 14, 2011 on the Native American news and entertainment site Indianz.com, Wambli Sina Win, an individual who has held positions in both Native and U.S. legal systems, including Tribal Judge for the Oglala Sioux Tribal Court, an Assistant U.S. Attorney, and legal Instructor for the U.S. Indian Police Academy, writes why ‘Tribes should protect their Indian bloodline”:

“Have you ever seen a wild buffalo on its own, seek out another species with which to mate when there are other wild buffalo around? If the buffalo have sense enough to stay with its own kind, why is it so difficult for our young Lakota men and women…?”

“This was a choice by the minimum blood’s ancestors to breed the Indian blood out and to diminish the bloodline.”

“We don’t need parasites who contribute nothing to our people enjoying the benefits of what our ancestors fought and died to protect.”

Though Win’s treatise on racial purity doesn’t specifically mention blacks or the Cherokee Freedmen (ironically enough, her ire is directed mostly towards mixed-race White and Mexican Indians), it doesn’t take much of an imagination to infer that they probably aren’t excluded from her perceived threats to a pure Indian heritage. And clearly, her sentiments aren’t so shocking or outmoded that Indianz.com felt that their readers would be in the least offended by them.

But leaving issues of race aside, there are several other issues about the Cherokee Freedmen story that deserve serious scrutiny:

The Issues of Sovereignty and Democracy

The Cherokee Nation contends that the US government should have no say in who they decide to grant citizenship to, because they are a sovereign nation with their own government and laws and whatnot. A valid point. At least, it would be a valid point had the Cherokee Nation not shot itself in the foot on the issue of sovereignty when it filed lawsuits against individual Freedmen descendants in Federal court back in 2009. In doing so, the Cherokees willfully pierced the sovereign veil. So now the US courts actually do have a right to be all up in their sovereign business.

The Cherokees also argue that they should be able to change their Constitution. But their 1866 treaty with the US says otherwise. The treaty states that the Bureau of Indian Affairs (BIA) must approve amendments to the Cherokee Constitution. The Cherokee voted a few years back to remove the requirement for BIA approval, but in a mobius-loop of logic, that vote isn’t valid unless the BIA approves the decision that it shouldn’t be able to approve such decisions. Yeeeah.

The Civil Rights Issue

The US has declared embargos, sung songs, and even gone to war against other sovereign nations that have committed similar acts of disenfranchisement and discrimination against their citizens. Not only are the Cherokees committing these acts, they’re doing it on US soil and they’re doing with $300 million dollars of annual federal funds. Now that’s gangsta.

The Moral Issue

Many members of the Cherokee Nation rightfully claim that America has a lasting moral debt to American Indians for effectively swindling them out of their lands using largely genocidal tactics; Yet, the Cherokee Nation is now attempting to skip out on the moral debt it owes – and previously agreed to pay - for the reprehensible and genocidal practice that was slavery.

Insert pot and kettle reference here.

The 'Why Do these People Care?' Issue

Actually, I’m not sure if this is an issue. But my Facebook friend who originally shared the MSNBC article posed this question to me:

“You ask great questions especially in regards to the Civil Rights aspects but I have a greater question, why would one group of people who were enslaved not only by Europeans but by these same native groups they want to cling too, want to be associated in any way with them? If you have no real cultural tie to them what's the big fuss?”

As far as I’m concerned, a victim of oppression or injustice doesn’t need to have a good reason for wanting to not be oppressed or… er… injusticed.  Yet if I wanted to speculate on a reason, I’d readily turn to Martin Luther King or W.E.B. DuBois and their respective debates with Malcolm X and Booker T. Washington on the issues of black integration during the Civil Rights and Reconstruction eras.

But again, thanks to the amazingness of the Internets, I don’t have to speculate. I can get perspectives from those directly affected by the issue. Like this quote from a Cherokee Freedman who was interviewed in 1996 by anthropologist Circe Sturm:

“It is ridiculous to allow White people to take advantage of Indian programs because they have blood on a tribal roll a hundred years ago, when a Black person who suffers infinitely more discrimination and needs the aid more is denied it because his Indian ancestry is overshadowed by his African ancestry....  Either the  descendants  of  freedmen  should  be  allowed  to take advantage  of benefits,  or the federal government,  not  these cliquish  tribes,  should  set  new  standards for who  is  an  Indian-and  save  [themselves]  some  money.”

…and this snippet from an NPR interview with Shonda Buchanan, a Freedman descendant whose visible blackness has gotten her harassed at tribal celebrations where mixed-race, lighter-skinned Cherokees were fully welcomed:

“It's who I am. I don't know, sometimes I feel like, you know, I'm going to sit at that counter. I'm going to drink out of that water fountain, you know? This is a heritage that my people have. And I wasn't raised on a reservation, but I was raised knowing I was black and Indian.”

… or this perspective, appropriately listed under the heading ‘Why’ on the Freedmen’s website:

“It seems inconceivable that in the 21^st century, anyone would have the concept that an individual with some African ancestry should only be able to claim that ancestry. This is not the case with other individuals of mixed ancestry; no one such as an individual with Chinese-Korean heritage or a Choctaw-Chickasaw heritage has to pretend he only has one lineage or should learn about one of his 2 heritages. The "one drop of blood concept", obliterating all other ancestry only exists for people of African descent.  Furthermore, many people of black-Indian ancestry have more knowledge of their Indian ancestors than their ancestors who lived in Africa or who originally arrived in the United States.”

***

Most people prefer plots that are easy to follow. We like clear delineations of who is the good guy and who is the bad guy, and we especially like it if those delineations match our long-held perceptions of bad guys and good guys. It’s for this reason that most people seem to only be comfortable dealing with issues of race in terms of black and white. But the lingering spectre of racism – particularly institutionalized racism – is much more nuanced, much more complex today. In our allegedly post-racial society, we’ve at least identified if not done away with most of the glaringly racist issues concerning blacks and whites in the United States, but as they say, the devil’s in the details. There are a myriad of these ‘long tail’ racial injustices and race-based inequalities – like that of the racial wealth gap, or the troubling case of Troy Davis, or even the treatment of minorities in Europe as recently highlighted by London’s riots – that still remain and still deserve our attentions. But, rest assured, they will not be easy to fix. Mainly because the longer a sticky issue has been around, the harder it is to unstick once you finally do get around to fixing it. And these issues have been around for hundreds and hundreds of years.

For now, the curious case of the Cherokee Freedmen issue remains unsolved, and the even curiouser questions keep pinging around in my little head:

How can the Cherokee Nation decide to be sovereign when it wants to make its own laws, but relinquish its sovereignty when it wants to use the US justice system to enforce Cherokee laws that are in direct opposition to the laws of the US?

How is it moral, ethical, or legal for the Cherokee Nation to give the Freedmen citizenship and then take it back when it’s more financially or politically convenient for them to do so?

You know, now that I think about it, there’s a term for people who do things like that.

But I won’t say it. ‘Cause that… would be racist.

cheers,

k

Want to get involved in the story?

Support the Cherokee Freedmen

Get more info on the September 20 Cherokee Freedmen trial

Follow the upcoming Cherokee Nation election

Read more about the history of Black Indians in the US

how to get that game show buzz

The mission: attend a live taping of the game show The Family Feud (hosted by Steve Harvey) at the Atlanta Civic Center. A good friend of mine had scored tickets to the show and had invited me along for the ride.

I call it a mission because, of course, it couldn't be as simple as just showing up and walking into the studio. We arrived 5 minutes earlier than suggested, only to be told that we were too late for the 1st taping, and we'd have to come back about 2 hours later.

Ah well, what do wise women do when hit with unexpected delays? We brunch. Hard.

For the next couple of hours, my friend and I shared a booth at Home Grown, talking and reminiscing, sharing and confessing. I think I can safely speak for her when I say that in those 2 hours we both learned more about each other than we've learned in years.

With our bellies filled and our friendship expanded, we returned to the Civic Center, waited some more, and were finally, finally let into the studio.

Just as we were getting ready to file into the next to last row, the plump, older lady in front of us asked one of the production crew, "Can we take two of those seats on the front row?" "Sure," was the reply. One glance between me and my friend was all it took, and we immediately followed suit. As the plump lady and I claimed our seats next to each other, we both blurted out, "Never hurts to ask!" then cracked up at our synchronized timing. Out of nowhere, she hugged me like we'd known each other for ages.

Before the show began, the 'audience wrangler' trained us on our responsibilities. We learned when and how to clap and smile, when to cheer, and when to go "Awww...". Important stuff, you know. To boost our energy from a long day of waiting, he led us all in a couple of rousing dance-alongs. One to The Isley Brothers' "Shout", and another to the Jackson's "Blame it on the Boogie".

Soon, the main event started. Steve 'Longcoat' Harvey appeared onstage. The feuding families followed, and the cameras started rolling. Like dutiful participants, we clapped and smiled, and smiled and cheered, and 'awwwed' and clapped some more. Everything the contestants said or did required us to emote. It was hard work.

At the end of the all-day game show adventure, I returned home with a pleasant, good-feeling buzz that lasted the rest of the day.

So what did we learn from all this, kids?

I don't know about you, but a good-feeling buzz that lasts the whole livelong day isn't something that's always easy to come by (at least not legally) so when I do get one, I like to take a minute to figure out how I got it, in case I should ever need it again.

We asked 100 people what they'd do to get that good-feeling game show buzz *. Survey says:

Open Up to an Old Friend

I think we take old friends for granted sometimes. We think that since we've known each other since way back, we know everything there is to know about our friend, and they know everything there is to know about us. But there are stories that we haven't shared. Little bits of ourselves that we've never opened up about. Sharing those things gives us a chance to strengthen the bonds of our friendships. Even if the only feel-good you get is a twinge of happiness from talking about something different than you normally do, it's worth it.

Always Ask for What You Want

Fortune favors the bold. A closed mouth don't get fed. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. All these old adages are saying the same thing. If there is something you want or need, not only is there no shame in asking for it, it's often the quickest way to get it. The worst possible thing that can happen is hearing the word "no". The best possible thing that could happen is front row seats.

Hug a Stranger

Look. I am not a hugger. Hugs are often awkward moments for me that involve over-thinking the position of my arms, the distance from the other person, the angle of my head... it's too much, really. Still, I appreciate a really good hug. And there's nothing better than a hug from a genuinely friendly person, even if they're someone you just met. And especially if they're a plump auntie figure.

Be Silly in Public

When's the last time you seat-danced to 50s and 80s rock and pop... in public? Yeah. Me neither. Public displays of silliness are the perfect way to whip up some instant feelgood. But the opportunity to be silly with a large group of other people doesn't come along very often. When you get the chance, take advantage of it. Join the wave at the baseball game, do the hokey-pokey and turn yourself around, robot your way down the Soul Train line. Of course you could always be that guy standing off to the side because he's just too sexy or too cool to be silly. Don't be.

Clap and Cheer for the Little Things

It's really hard to feel bad when you've got a big ole cheesy grin plastered on your face and you're clapping like your life depended on it. Something about that eventually takes over you and makes you all happy and junk. Now I'm not suggesting you go around being a 1-person studio audience all day. But try being a little more liberal with the high-fives and the 'good jobs' for a bit, and see if that doesn't make you and the people around you feel a little bit better.

cheers,

k

*We didn't really. I made them up myself.

balm for a tuesday - a poem from rumi

I'm away on a working vacation this week, Dear Reader. But something told me that this poem by Rumi might be something you needed to hear as much as I did today.

If not, tuck it somewhere safe for a rainy day. ;-)

come on sweetheart let's adore one another before there is no more of you and me

a mirror tells the truth look at your grim face brighten up and cast away your bitter smile

a generous friend gives life for a friend let's rise above this animalistic behavior and be kind to one another

spite darkens friendships why not cast away malice from our heart

once you think of me dead and gone you will make up with me you will miss me you may even adore me

why be a worshiper of the dead think of me as a goner come and make up now

since you will come and throw kisses at my tombstone later why not give them to me now this is me that same person

i may talk too much but my heart is silence what else can i do i am condemned to live this life

~rumi

cheers,

k

how to lose like a winner

A couple of weekends ago, I got invited to watch a friend’s daughter compete in the National American Miss pageant. I’ve known this young lady since she was a toddler, and over the years I’ve watched her blossom into an awesome little woman. She’s bright, energetic, savvy, and beautiful to boot. You know, one of those kids that makes you feel confident about what the next generation will be able to do with their infinite potential. So I was thrilled to join her parents in the audience to hoot and holler like a madwoman whenever she appeared on the stage.

That night, we watched all the contestants do their opening numbers and have their individual moments in the spotlight. We also watched watch as girl after girl got picked for various and sundry titles – Miss Congeniality, Most Likely to be a Top Model, Most Likely to End Up as a Trophy Wife and Get One Helluva Divorce Settlement when the Dog of a Husband Gets Caught Cheating (or something like that). Even with all her charm, poise, and intelligence, our girl didn’t get a single trophy or accolade, and she didn’t even get to move on to the next round of competition. Needless to say, we were crushed. She, of course, was even more crushed. After she’d changed back into her street clothes, she joined us to head to the car. She held up pretty well for a few moments, then the tears came. “It isn’t fair,” she cried. “They weren’t as good as me!” she protested. And we agreed, clucking over her and consoling her like dutiful supporters. There wasn’t any use in trying to rationalize the outcome of the pageant to her. Even if there had been a rational explanation, it likely wouldn’t have made a dent on her emotional state. So, I thought that the words her mother offered her were the best that could be said at that moment. She simply told her daughter, “Baby, it wasn’t your time.”

No doubt, losing sucks. Hard. Especially when it’s something you’ve worked hard to get, or something you feel like you’re naturally more qualified to have. So when you don’t land that job, or you get passed over by that girl or guy you had your heart set on, or someone else snags that grand opportunity that you know was meant for you, it makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs, “It’s not fair! They weren’t as good as me!” It’s irritating as hell to see the lesser-qualified get your moment in the spotlight, with the crowd cheering and the fair maiden planting a wreath of laurel leaves on their unworthy head. When it happens more than once, you may stop screaming outwardly and start whispering inwardly to yourself: “Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing. Maybe no one will ever want me.” Even the most confident and self-assured person has their moments of uncertainty when met with a consistent stream of losses.

I thought back to one of the girls in the pageant who had advanced to the next round that evening. It was her fifth year in the competition, and she’d never made it beyond the first round before. Yet she kept showing up every year. Kept donning the glitzy gown, kept flashing the perfect camera-ready smile, and kept being sent home with nothing to show for her efforts. I wondered what she must have felt like after two years of not winning. After year three? I wondered how she even mustered up the energy and optimism it took to come back for one more chance at winning, though she was a repeat loser. By the colloquial definition, this girl was insane. She kept doing the same thing and expecting a different result. But eventually, after five long years, she did get a different result.

So how exactly do you distinguish the insane person from the winner-to-be?

"Sometimes losing is a wake-up call in disguise, a universal conspiracy that’s letting you know that you’re chasing the wrong dream..."

Winners recognize that there may not be any logic to the fact that they lost, but they take the loss as an opportunity for assessment.  A time to prepare themselves for the win that will inevitably come. After a loss, winners ask themselves the following questions:

Am I losing because I’m playing the wrong game?

If you’re going after something that doesn’t align with your purpose or your true values, why would you want to win? Sometimes losing is a wake-up call in disguise, a universal conspiracy that’s letting you know that you’re chasing the wrong dream, and you need to set your eyes on a different, more fitting prize. If you feel certain that what you’re after does align with your purpose, it’s much easier to deal with temporary losses on the way to your goal.

Am I losing because I'm not yet prepared to win?

and the winner is

If you were to get that job, land that cutie pie, or be granted that opportunity, are you currently prepared to make the most of it? Do you have the skills to maintain the thing you’ve won after you’ve won it? You’ve heard the stories of lottery winners who are penniless only a few years after their big win, because they had no money management skills. It’s almost impossible to believe, but it happens all the time – and not just with the lottery. Winners take time after a loss to continue to hone their skills. They visualize what they’ll need to do after the win to make sure they’re ready to perform when it happens. Winners know that a gift given to the ill-prepared can easily become a curse.

Am I losing because it just isn’t my time?

So you know for sure that you’re after the right thing. And you know that you’re well-prepared to maintain that thing after you’ve won it. So what gives? Why do you keep losing? Well baby, maybe it just isn’t your time. While you’re fuming about how unfair it all is, maybe there’s someone else out there who had just as much right to the ‘big win’ as you did. They may have waited longer or worked harder, or maybe it was simply ‘their time’. Maybe you’re like that year-five winner, and you’ll have to lose many times before you win. Just remember to re-assess, re-equip, and reapply yourself… even if everyone else thinks you’re insane.

As it turns out, our girl made it through the pageant ordeal without too much emotional or ego damage. After a post-pageant dinner out, she was mostly back to normal. The following week, she got an unexpected phone call. It came from a talent scout who’d seen her at the pageant and wanted to know if she was available for other opportunities.

So let that be a lesson to all you losers out there. The next time you lose, go ahead and have a good cry, check to make sure the makeup is still ok, then treat yourself to something tasty.

And know this… your day is coming. Maybe even sooner than you think.

cheers,

k

photo: total loser by bamzin

photo: ...and the winner is by notsogoodphotography

mistress didi - crusader of classic fetish

**Disclaimer: some of the links and topics contained in this post are of an adult nature. If you find such information objectionable, go watch a cartoon. :)**

Bondage, BDSM, fetish, kink. When you hear those terms, images of whips, chains, leather, and latex may immediately come to mind. Less innocuous terms like freak, pervert, or deviant, are often used to describe the participants in the bondage and fetish scenes. Many people are confounded, some are intrigued (even those who won’t admit it), and others are downright repulsed by the set of behaviors classified as modern fetish. But there is at least one woman who is dedicated to preserving fetish and BDSM as an art, not only for the beauty of it, but for its therapeutic benefits as well.

Her name? Mistress Didi. Had it not been for the annual Hedonism art show at Apache I attended a few months back, our paths might never have crossed. After the show, which featured live performances and installations by several local erotic artists, I had questions. Who were these artists and performers? Did they have day jobs? What path leads one to take the stage or pick up a paintbrush as an erotic artist? I set out to find answers, and when I came across Mistress Didi, I felt that I’d found a reliable source for them. Instead of the usual graphic and provocative imagery on other fetish websites, Mistress Didi’s site provides page after page of information that is an unlikely blend of spiritual philosophy, basic manners and etiquette, and of course, fetish culture. Her emphasis on quality and artisanship in the culture has led her to coin the term classic fetish, of which she is a very vocal proponent.

After a few online exchanges, Mistress Didi - a petite little firebrand with a demeanor befitting a Mistress - agreed to let me interview her so she could explain more about the spiritual, therapeutic, and artistic aspects of classic fetish.

---

What do you think is the biggest misconception about fetish? That it’s not consensual and that it’s a psychological deviation. In the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition) fetish is literally classified as an abnormality.

That’s sort of ironic, since you consider fetish to be therapeutic. Can you speak about how you’ve added a therapeutic aspect to fetish? What sort of challenges or blocks do you feel fetish can help people overcome? You make decisions about who you are in your life. You have to like who you are. So many times, we choose things based upon others telling us that we will be accepted or like based on their criteria. People are massively mind controlled by religion, the media… but it’s about being responsible for your actions, and living life to enjoy it. I have my philosophy of spiritual hedonism which is my religion that I invented. I figured, hey, if L. Ron Hubbard can invent one then I can too! And mine is a helluva lot more fun than his! (laughs) But my thing is about being responsible for your actions. Whatever you choose to do, be responsible for that 100%, live life to enjoy it and spread that joy. Party on!

Hey, what else is there, right? What if? That’s my motivation. What if? What if the world does end in 2012? What if something falls out of the sky on top of my head? What if this is my last inhale? When I die, I don’t want to go, “Oh hell, that sucked”. I wanna be able to say, “Alright, that was pretty cool!” I recognize that I am a sadist by nature, but I also know that as a Libra, I go to extremes. Like all my charitable work, all my healing work in my vanilla life is one end of the spectrum. And then my expertise in the sadistic arts is the other end of the spectrum. However, as I was saying to you earlier about responsibility… I’m not one of these people that has some kind of egomania going on and is picking up a whip and just flailing it ridiculously. I studied with qualified practitioners and experts in their particular genres, and I know what I’m doing. Plus I have an extensive knowledge of human physiology and human psychology and I’m always enhancing my education. I owe that not only to myself, but to the fetish community. Because if you’re gonna go out there and call yourself a dominant, then you need to be in control of your reality, your own personal space, your own domain.

That’s quite powerful. But you can take that outside of the fetish world. The thing is that we are taught to react rather than respond. Reaction is irrational and it’s designed so we can take the focus off of our responsibility. When you respond, that requires conscious choice and a decision that you make that you can live with yourself.

So how do you respond to the mainstream’s misconceptions about fetish? What I’ve decided to do is create better fetish. What they call fetish now are these screaming, screeching parties. At these little screeching parties with all these kids who think they’re gonna tell ME about domming… what they don’t know is that I’m old enough to be their mother, I just look better than they do. And there’s a reason for that too. Their whole concept of S&M is stand and pose. They like getting dressed up – god knows I do – but that is not the end of it all. They have no etiquette, they have no manners. Some people think fetish is kink. Fetish is not just kink. Fetish is not just about sexuality.

There’s a more ancient, historical aspect to the term, right? If you look at the word fetish in the dictionary, you will see that. In indigenous cultures, these people took a physical thing that embodied the representation of how you were working spiritual energy and how you were focusing that. How u connect with the higher God energy to manifest things in your life.

Fetish (definition) - A fetish (from the French fétiche; which comes from the Portuguese feitiço; "artificial" and the Latine facere, "to make") is an object believed to have supernatural powers, or in particular, a man-made object that has power over others.

French philosopher Michel Leiris simplifies the original definition as, an ‘objectified form of our desire’.

Another misconception about fetish. People think that you go to one of these parties and someone is gonna beat you. No, no, no! If that happens, you need to complain to somebody and have the offender thrown the hell out. Because the creed is safe, sane, and consensual. I see all kinds of abominable things happening at these parties and that’s why I don’t go. I have my own parties and with the exception of the one on June 4, they’re all private. And because that behavior is fostered and allowed to breed like a cancer in our community, that’s why I wrote, “How to Properly Present Yourself to a Mistress” and offer it as a free book.

You mention on your site that your book is also useful for people who aren’t necessarily into fetish? Absolutely. I tell people to use this for their kids. Because all that it is is common courtesy and social graces. Now, if we taught our children in kindergarten 2 things. Body awareness so that they would be able to do a check-in internally, do some deep breathing or other techniques instead of fidgeting because they’re uncomfortable. And if we taught kids that it’s ok to acknowledge that I’m angry or I don’t like that. Acknowledge that and realize what else you can do with that. You don’t always have to be…  well, for lack of a better word, you don’t always have to be a d*&k! You can choose to take the high road even when others are being low-lives. That’s one of the things I teach in Domina 101.

Is that what separates classic fetish – the protocols, the courtesies, and the rituals? My brand of classic fetish goes even beyond that. I call it classic fetish because we’re taking it towards the highest beauty. Have you ever seen a pair of shoes that takes your breath away and it’s a magical moment? I grew up in the fetish scene, so what it’s deteriorating today is disgusting and its deteriorating because there’s these little hoochies working in a dungeon and they think they can put the word Mistress in front of their name and that puts them in the same category as someone like me.

First of all, they’re not really dommes. They are subbing to some idiot guy with a pimp mentality. That’s why I call them ‘hoochies with whips’. The reason that we even have the distinction of classic fetish is because people have decided to abuse something that was beautiful.

How would you suggest dominants or aspiring dommes who don’t just want to be ‘hoochies with whips’ educate themselves? What about vanilla people who want to begin exploring fetish? For aspiring dommes, there are tons of seasoned dommes out there to learn from and there are organizations like TES (The Eulenspiegel Society). They should also check out my articles: The Importance of Rituals and Protocols, and Domme vs. Dumme. For newcomers to the scene, there is a website called The BDSM Resource Center. It’s a really good resource for fetish or I should say BDSM education. Fetish includes lifestyle stuff like people who just enjoy certain articles of clothing. BDSM is bondage, domination, sadomasochism – it is an actual physical expression. It’s a very physical thing.

Are there certain tools and techniques that every fetishist should have in his or her toolkit? Yes! Have a basic knowledge of First Aid. Become CPR certified, definitely own a First Aid kit. Know how to handle burns, cuts. Have safety rules. And always play with a phone nearby, in case of emergencies. I think everyone should go to a safe party - where you can actually talk to people whose lifestyles are a part of this culture. And these people are a much higher caliber versus going to a loud disco where the music is so loud you can’t hear anything. When I see people playing in these clubs where the music is so loud… that to me is very irresponsible, because you can’t see the danger signs.

As an African-American in the fetish / BDSM community, are you something of a unicorn? Do you find that there are any racial divides or misunderstandings within the fetish community? There’s a huge black culture in the whole BDSM thing. People give folks - especially those who are into being slaves or submissives a lot of flack for that. Like, given our history, how could you want to be a slave? But they don’t understand that this is a completely different concept from the slavery that we understand as a part of African-American history. That was completely non-consensual.

Talk about some of the classes you offer? Which is your most popular? Transcendent trampling. Because when I trample it’s a sight to see. That’s my own specific technique. When I teach that, first I start out with a basic anatomy course. Which muscles can take weight bearing, where are the places that you should never apply pressure. Where is the carotid artery... don’t lean on that! (laughs) because I was a dancer for years, when I trample, it’s a work of art.

I seem to get a lot of response for Max Wax, my waxplay course.  Now the vanilla women are really funny. They want to know all of this stuff, but if it’s not presented to them in a way that they feel they won’t be judged, then they can’t get with the program. So I have a course that I call Role Play 101 – and it’s really just a basic introduction on how to spice up your sex life with your honey.

Where would you like to see fetish go? Ten years from now, do you think you’ll still be involved in fetish? Oh, absolutely. This is a part of who I am. I think folks think it’s something you do on the weekends. This is part of who I am, not just how I am. Most people don’t realize that who they are can be quite lovely… how they are is quite wretched.

To be a dominant means you choose how things are for your comfort and your ultimate well-being in your life. People don’t like that. They think it means you put on 8-inch heels and walk around with your butt hanging out, but I only do that on special occasions and only for special people. And no I DO NOT have sex with my playmates. This is not a sexual thing for me. This is a connection between two people on a level that is spiritual, physical, emotional, mental and is totally transcendent. And because I have that experience on a regular basis, I see how many people are not having it, and that’s what's missing from what is considered fetish in the mainstream today.

It’s not necessarily for everyone else. But I say, don’t knock it until you try it. There are things that you’ll discover that you don’t like, and you just have to understand that that’s what YOU don’t like. Just try not to judge what other people do like. And there’s some nasty stuff out there – very unhealthy stuff. I don’t understand how folks get into it. But I try not to judge it, I just make my choices not to indulge with them.

At this point in our talk, Mistress Didi’s dog, who she calls Li’l Doggie enters and asks for a treat. She shares that Li’l Doggie – who she got from an animal rescue - doesn’t have much longer to live. She moves on to tell me about another dog that she rescued previously that had been abused.

I took him, in a short amount of time, from being in a place of extreme fear to being able to sit on strangers’ laps. And that, to me, is dominance. Because I created an environment for him to become as beautiful as he could be, and to love life as much as he could. And that is what BDSM is for me. That’s what I believe the goal of being a dominant is. You don’t just have someone in your life because you can. It should be a mutual evolutionary process.

We move on to talk about other things like: her future plans to open a private fetish club in NYC (contact her if you're interested in investing), RuPaul's Drag Race (she's a fan), and the fact that she feels this season's RPDR winner - Tyra Sanchez - is a good role model for his son.

I'd love to meet her. Tyra accepts who Tyra is. Tyra says to the world, this is how I express myself and how I love living.

How dare someone tell me how we should love. Look what their way of loving got the world.

For more information about Mistress Didi and her brand of classic fetish, check out her website, her blog, or follow her on Twitter.

cheers,

k

20 things mama used to (and still does) say

I was listening to WABE the other day and the announcer asked for listeners to call in and share things that their mother always said that they still remembered. I didn't get a chance to call in and share my memories, but in honor of Mother's Day, I thought I'd share them with you, Dear Reader. Here goes...

1. It’s better to have and not need than to need and not have.

2. There is a difference between being a woman and being a lady.

3. Always be observant.

4. Your beauty may open a door, but your brain will keep it open for you.

5. The streets will always be there.

6. If you ever feel you want to try drugs or alcohol, come to me first. (yeah, my mom’s progressive as hell!)

7. Bedtime is at 9:30 pm. (progressive, yet ridiculously strict!)

8. Always take 2 quarters with you, so you can use the pay phone if he acts up on the date. (obviously before cell phones!)

9. Never go for the HMO option.

10. Real ladies keep their shoes on all night (for those of y’all who like to wear those heels you can’t walk in).

11. As long as you live under my roof, you will do what I say.

12. Never say, "I don’t know" when I ask why you did something. Say, "Because I wanted to". You should always know why you did something.

13. Y’all called me up to the school for THIS? (when I got in trouble for saying the word ‘penis’ on camera in high school)

14. Don’t be the one who is influenced. Be the one who influences.

15. People didn’t expect much from you because I was a single parent. Just shows you that you shouldn't worry about what people expect.

16. I got you this far. I’m done raising you. The rest is up to you.

17. I guess I have to cut the apron strings at some point.

18. Alright, queen. don’t forget I am yo’ mama! (said when we ‘argue’)

19. Aren’t you lucky to have such a beautiful muuuther!? (I am, by the way)

20. You know I always got your back. (and I got yours, mama!)

What are some things your mother used to (or still does) say?

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. We hear you, even when we're not listening ;-).

cheers,

k

earth day turns 40 today - some gifts you can give

Today is the 40^th anniversary of Earth Day – a day designed to inspire awareness and appreciation for the lovely blue planet we call home (well, most of us anyway… some of y’all are clearly from the outer limits).

Haven’t thought of how you’ll celebrate the day? No worries, here’s a handy list of ways you can show Earth that you care.

• Take a walk around your neighborhood – pick up any trash you see along your walk. Talk to any neighbors you run into and ask them to do the same.
• For Atlanta residents, take a look at the skyline. See that slightly brown haze? Yeah, that’s not supposed to be there.  Get on the phone with your local and state representative or send them an email and ask them what they’re doing to: 1) support clean air in our city, or 2) help enhance public transportation options that reduce smog.
• Go for a quick hike in one of Atlanta’s neighborhood, state, or national parks.
• Visit an Atlanta-area community garden – ask how you can get involved. Don’t have a community garden in your neighborhood? Start one.
• Check into joining a CSA (community-supported agriculture). With CSAs you get fresh produce from local farms delivered to you. Way better than the over-priced, under-fresh stuff from the grocery store that you don’t know WHERE it came from. Here’s a comprehensive list of Atlanta-area CSAs.
• Work from home – save the miles and the emission. If you can’t do that…
• Bike to work, carpool, take the train or bus. If you can’t do that…
• Walk to the store in the evening instead of driving.
• Have dinner by candlelight and save some energy. Better yet, replace your regular light bulbs with energy-efficient light bulbs. If you’re feeling really magnanimous, buy a couple of extra bulbs and gift them to your neighbor.
• Gather your old electronics for recycling on April 24 at Turner Field. Here’s the details (PDF) .
• Visit Atlantic Station’s Enviro Expo. For extra impact, bike there or take Marta to Arts Center Station and catch the free shuttle from there.
• Donate or pledge to WABE - Atlanta's public radio station - today. For each pledge received today, Trees Atlanta will plant a tree in your honor.
• Save some green with these Earth Day deals and discounts from the Atlanta Bargain Hunter – free milkshakes, discount Six Flags tickets, and free admission to the Atlanta Botanical Garden await.
• Celebrate Our World Earth Day 2010 at Georgia Tech.
• Support local food , local business, and Atlanta’s street food revolution at the Super Secret Underground Food Truck Extravaganza today.

cheers,

k

v-day poll results and some unconventional v-day events in atlanta

A couple of weeks ago, I polled guys and ladies separately on what sort of gift you'd like most for Valentine's Day. Well, the results are in!

 

While they weren't all that surprising - women overwhelmingly prefer 'experience gifts' to stuff like flowers and candy (wait, you guys did know that already right?), and men didn't really have a preference -  what was surprising is that more women than men responded that they thought Valentine's Day was for suckas, and 10% of the ladies who responded said that they just wanted 'to be left alone'. C'mon girlfriends, it can't be that bad out there... can it? 

Whether you're single or seeing someone, here are my picks for some unconventional ways to spend this Valentine's Day in Atlanta.

Witness the Black Man-o-logues - This play by DreamCatcher Productions at the 14th Street Playhouse answers the question, "What runs through the head of a black man when he is confronted with the subject Love?" Shows Saturday and Sunday. For more info:  http://www.catchingdreamz.com/

Take a Trip to Jeju Sauna -  A spa retreat like you've never experienced before. Just a short trip to Duluth, and you can lose yourself in another world for a whole day. Check out my review of Jeju Sauna on Trazzler.

Celebrate Valloween - A combination Halloween costume party with the sexiness of Valentine's Day for both singles and couples. Because there's "nothing better than playing dress-up to make a depressing holiday more palatable." For more info: http://professionalmuse.net/

Hey Love: Bilal, Foreign Exchange, Jesse Boykins III - Sexy soulfulness takes Center Stage on Friday. Bring your boo or plan on finding one when you get there. Tickets at Mood's Music in Little Five Points and Ticketmaster

Bloom at Lenox Mall - Lauri Stallings, the choreographer behind the 2008 genre-blending production big, that thrust ballet dancers onto the stage with Atlanta's own Big Boi, will be taking dance to another platform this weekend at Lenox Mall. Bloom, the 3rd site-specific art installation from Atlanta-based gloATL, will feature dancers interacting with shoppers in the arteries of the mall. Spoken word artist Big Rube will also perform. It's sure to be a sight! For more info: http://www.fluxprojects.org/bloom/index.html 

V-Day Mixology Massacre - If Valentine's day makes you want to kill something... why not make it a cocktail? The Mixology Meetup group is hosting this event at Room at Twelve on W. Peachtree. You'll learn how to make 3 V-day inspired cocktails at your own bar station. Then you can immediately drown yourself in them. For more info:  http://www.meetup.com/Mixology-Atlanta/

Make Sweet Chocolate Love at Cacao - If cocktails ain't your thing, how 'bout some chocolate? Make your own chocolate treats and package them up for yourself or a loved one. Might I suggest: chocolate salty balls. Cacao Atlanta in Va-Hi hosts. For more info: http://www.cacaoatlanta.com/events

To El with Valentine's Day - El Taco says, 'be glad you're single", and invites you to celebrate your solo-ness with drink specials (like $4 Hornitos Mischieve tequila shots), special prizes from the Wheel of Taco, and an in-house photo booth and tarot reader on Sunday. Get all the details here.

cheers,

k

photo credit: Sister72

y we remember - current perspectives on the future of black history

The name of the comedian escapes me (Chris Rock maybe?), but there's a standup skit about Black History Month that, unfortunately, is a pretty accurate summation of the Black History curriculum that I and most of my peers received in school: 

"Once upon a time there was a thing called slavery. Some time later, Martin Luther King was born...." 

While that synopsis of Black History education was grossly exaggerated for comic effect, it still wasn't too far from the truth. Throughout elementary and high school, each February was the time for recounting the familiar narrative: we were once slaves, we were once denied the education and opportunities that other Americans were given, and had it not been for the illustrious leaders of the post-Reconstruction and civil rights era, we might never have made it through. Then we'd sing We Shall Overcome three times, listen to an excerpt of Dr. King's I Have a Dream speech, learn an African dance routine, and return to our regularly scheduled educational programming in March. While I always enjoyed hearing the familiar stories and speeches, I began to notice that, each year, the gap between the era of Black history I was being taught about and the era of Black now I was living in kept growing wider and wider. 

It wasn't until I made it to college - where I enrolled in a freshman World History course at Clark Atlanta University - that I got a more comprehensive understanding of how Black and African history figured in the larger context of human history. On the first day of class, the professor walked in, headed straight for the blackboard, picked up a piece of chalk and drew three figures. The first was a straight line. The second was a circle. And the third, a straight line that then arced back upon itself. It was only after he'd finished his drawings that he addressed the class. 

"This," he began, pointing to the straight line, "represents the European worldview. Everything is about forward progress." "This," as he motioned to the circle, "represents the Asian worldview. Everything is cyclical and eventually returns to where it began." "And this," referring to the straight-line-arc, "Is the African worldview. Ever moving forward, but always drawing on the lessons of the past." I would later recognize the straight-line-arc being represented in the Adinkra symbol of the Sankofa bird. Sankofa being a word in the Akan language that means 'go back and get it', referring to the idea of taking the wisdom of the past and using it to make progress toward a beneficial future. 

It occurs to me that many of us are still celebrating Black History Month the way were taught in elementary school. We recall those icons of the past, laud their praises, recount the stories, and sing the old hymns for 28 days, then it's back to our regularly scheduled lives in March. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should stop talking about Malcolm, Martin, and Rosa. But the 'old way' of approaching Black History Month has caused it to lose some of its relevance in the now. We African-American artists, intellectuals, activists, and entrepreneurs are the ones who are creating the history that future generations will look to to help them guide their own progress. And now that we have 'gone back and gotten it'... what do we do with it today? 

A couple of my contemporaries have dedicated these 28 days to answering that question in their own ways. One, by spotlighting today's diverse leaders of new media, and the other by issuing a unique call to action for the latest tragedy to hit the Diaspora. 

Wayne Sutton, Social Media and Community Strategist at Twine Interactive (an internet marketing firm), has launched 28 Days of Diversity on his blog, www.socialwayne.com. Each day in February, Sutton will highlight an individual who is a leader or influencer in IT, the web, new media, etc. In an industry that has too few brown faces, this is a huge way of exposing those that we might not ever hear about otherwise. Case in point: today's spotlight is on Atlanta-based blogger, video producer, and media consultant, Amani Channel. In addition to being the founder of Visual Eye Media, Amani is also the community manager for PBA's Lens on Atlanta, and in his spare time (yes, that's sarcasm) he blogs at www.myurbanreport.com. Keep an eye on Wayne's blog for more folks you should meet this month. 

Bren Herrera, an Atlanta chef and food writer, is rallying the global community of food bloggers, chefs, restaurauteurs, and foodies to raise funds for victims of Haiti's earthquake via Stir It 28. Stir It 28 is a prime example of 21st century community activism, leveraging new media in a 3-part campaign to raise $50,000 within 28 days. 100% of proceeds will be donated directly to Share Our Strength and Yéle. The fundraiser is a multi-city collaboration between Hererra, who blogs at Flanboyant Eats, Chrystal of The Duo Dishes and Courtney of Coco Cooks. Read all about Stir It 28 and how you can participate . 

(You'll be hearing more about Stir It 28 from me soon, as I'll definitely be participating!) 

cheers, 

k

QUICK POLL: what do you want most for valentine's day?

 

I'm doing some research for a future post, Dear Reader, and I could really use your input.

Valentine's Day is fast approaching, and from my experience, it's a holiday that seems to cause more angst than any other. There's the increased pressure of what to get your beloved, and the heightened expectation of what you'll receive. Then there are those who relish the once-a-year opportunity to vocally denounce love, the commercialization of love, and the love of commercialization. And finally there's that lonely lot - that each year we all secretly hope we're not a member of - of unattached, uninvolved folk who feel compelled to treat V-day as a national day of mourning.

So I thought it'd be interesting to get a pulse on what kind of things people actually want for V-day. I've created two polls - one for the ladies, and one for the gents. When you get a moment, give me your thoughts. I'll share  the answers with you before V-day.

Here's the poll for ladies:

LADIES: What Kind of V-Day Gift Would You Prefer This Year?
	A store-bought gift (e.g., flowers, lingerie)
	An experience gift (e.g., dinner, spa, travel)
	A sexual gift
	I want to be left alone
	What gift? V-day is for suckas!
pollcode.com free polls

 alternate link: http://poll.pollcode.com/A8N 

And here's one for the guys...

GUYS: What Kind of V-Day Gift Would You Prefer This Year?
	A store-bought gift (e.g., cologne, clothing)
	An experience gift (e.g., travel, spa)
	A sexual gift
	I want to be left alone
	What gift? V-day is for suckas!
pollcode.com free polls

alternate link: http://poll.pollcode.com/CrYq 

cheers,

k

"...the universe is unfolding as it should"

It's crazy the things that you remember from your childhood. When I was a kid, I spent alot of time at my grandparents' house. My grandmother - an incurable pack rat (due to a recessive gene I'm sure I inherited) - always had these interesting things around the house that I'd 'meddle' with, keeping myself entertained for hours. One of them that I remember quite clearly was a little metal trashcan that she kept near her bedside. By itself, the trashcan was nothing remarkable, but what had me so enchanted with this dinged up little waste receptacle was the poem that was written on the side of it. While my grandmother was otherwise occupied around the house, I'd often climb into her bed and lay there with my head hanging over the edge, reading the poem over and over again, pondering the words, falling in love with the simple rhythmic quality of them as I recited them in my head, and quietly mouthing the poem's title - which to me, seemed like it might have been some ancient incantation - Desiderata.

Of course, them were the days before the Internet, so I didn't have any way of finding out what the word 'Desiderata' meant, but even as a kid, the meaning of the poem was clear to me. This was a simple set of words to live by, a way to remind oneself of what was important in life, to make sure that you didn't forget what was really real.

I was having a conversation this past weekend with one of my friends and mentors, and, as we often do when we talk with each other about life and work, we both shared our feeling that there's this sort of nagging question inside of each of us, "Are you living the life you're supposed to?" Since turning 30, I've found myself asking that question more and more often, and being less and less satisfied that my answer to myself usually amounts to: "Well, yeah. I think so."

And so it happened that this Monday morning, as I'm sitting in front of my work computer, slightly chagrined at the work week ahead, the question popped into my head again, but before I gave myself the same lackluster answer, the image of my grandma's little trashcan wavered for a moment in my mind's eye. I opened another browser window and typed in the search term 'desiderata'. After reading the familiar words, I realized that, if my life were spent emulating just one lesson from the poem, then my answer to: "Are you living the life you're supposed to?" would be a confident and satisfying, "Yes."

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

cheers,

k

chickens aren't eagles

Look, brother farmer. I believe that eagle laid a couple of eggs. Go get those eggs of hers, bring them down, and put them under one of your setting hens. Then, when the eggs hatch, those little eaglets won't know who they are. They will think they are chickens, so they won't fight back and bite you. They won't claw you. They will be peaceful and calm because they won't know who they are.

 - from, "The Eagle Story"

Of all the fantastical things that people often wish they could do, why is it that so many people wish that they could fly? It occurs to me, that maybe most haven't considered that flying is something of a solo activity.

A bird cannot fly if it's carrying another bird along with it. Even when mother birds teach their young to fly, they don't pick them up and take to the air with them. They wait until the chicks are old enough, and then they kick them out of the nest.

If there's one thing that I'm sure of, it's that I - and everyone else - was born with wings (not literally, of course). But despite that knowledge, I've often been frustrated at my failed attempts to fly as far or as high as my vision allowed me to see. Upon reflecting on some of the times when my flight was cut short, I realized why. Too often it was because I was trying to carry someone along with me who hadn't yet gotten the hang of their own wings or learned to fly for themselves. They'd see me swoop by and yell out from their perch, "Hey, that's cool. I wanna do that too! Can you teach me?" And in my well-intentioned naivete, I'd cry out, "Sure  thing. Just hop on my back and I'll show you how I do it!" But soon after they'd hopped on, we'd both begin to descend rapidly, tumbling and flailing helplessly against the sky, until one of us had to separate from the other so we both wouldn't end up hurtling to the ground below.

The lesson to be learned from this is clear: If you want to fly, you must let go. If you want to go higher and farther than you've ever gone before - in your religious faith, in your career, your personal life, or even your workout - you can't carry along someone else with you that isn't capable of doing the same thing. And if you want to ‘teach' someone else - your husband, your friend, or your child - to fly as you may or may not have already, you will have to do three very difficult things. 1) Make sure that they're ready, 2) give them a swift quick in the ass, and 3) be prepared to watch them fall for a bit, before they get the hang of it.

Of course, not every person with ‘wings' has been told that they have them, or believe that they work. And not surprisingly, those are the people who never get too far of the ground. Is it any wonder that we call those folks, ‘chickens'?

cheers,

k

your dreams are your legacy

They are telling you that you are growing older. Becoming less and less useful by the day. They – as they always have – are lying. My (now former) pastor spoke often of the rise of the so-called Davidic generation - the next flock of youth that would take up the reins from the older ones. Some would say that this new flock, this Davidic generation would render the older ones impotent, irrelevant. But where do you think the young ones get their vision? If the older ones are not there to guide the youth, where do you think they will go? What did old Jesse say to little David that imbued him with the courage to slay a giant and become king?

What words did the elderly Jacob say to Joseph that allowed him to survive slavery and become the Pharoah’s most trusted advisor?

What family lessons, personal histories, successes, hopes, failures were passed down from generation to generation, on and on until the time when a frightened young girl named Mary became pregnant and gave birth? And those same dreams that had been whispered since David was a child came forth from her lips and settled on the ears and in the mind of this unexpected, unexplained gift – this child of hers, this bearer of light whose message would last for thousands and thousands of years.

What might you say to your own little lightbearers?

Whisper your own histories to your little ones. Turn them into bedtime stories that you tell them every night until they know them by heart:

“Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted to be a ballerina…” “In a faraway place a long, long time ago, a little one just like you wanted to speak to the animals…” “There was once a boy who dreamed of being President…”

For every child is the incarnation of the dreams of his father, the realization of the hopes of her mother. Your hopes, dreams, and wishes are your children’s legacy. Do not deprive them of this.

Dream big, hope huge, wish infinite. When your children grow they will become the giants you once imagined yourself to be.

cheers,

 k